A Conversation with Mum About Delinquency. She’s Bad.
Me: If you see any African Violets at the garden centre will you grab me one?
Later the same day.
Mom: I bought you this. Holds out a leaf from an African Violet.
Me: Oh great you found one. Did it break?
Me: Where’s the rest of it?
Mom: That’s it.
Mom: That’s it. I think it has purple flowers with a bit of white, or maybe white, I was a bit quick.
Me: Where is the rest of it?
Mom: Back at the garden centre.
Me: You bought me one leaf?
Mom: You can grow these from a cutting. You used to do that. You had a whole window of them.
Me: Yes, but…
Mom: Well it was kind of just there and so I took it.
Me: I don’t know what you mean. Was it fallen on the ground?
Mom: A bit.
Me: A bit fallen on the ground.
Mom: They were too expensive.
Me: I’d have given you the money.
Mom: Yes, well, we weren’t paying that.
Me: Go back to a bit fallen on the ground.
Mom: It looked a little wobbly so I took it.
Me: Wobbly, as in not on the ground, still attached to the plant?
Mom: Stop hassling me. You wanted an African Violet, I got you one.
Me: One leaf.
Mom: It’ll grow.
Me: You nicked this off a plant.
Mom: It’s one leaf. No one is going to miss it.
Me: Did the store have cameras?
Mom: Why do you want to know that?
Me: You broke something and stole it.
Mom: Don’t be ridiculous, it’s a leaf.
Mom: I should’ve left this there.
Me: Instead of making me an accessory to your crime.
Mom: What accessory?
Me: Receiving stolen goods.
Mom: It’s not like it’s a TV.
Me: Just as well.
Mom: Yes. I couldn’t carry that in a tissue.
Me: My mother the senior delinquent.
Mum: Gets the giggles. I don’t even feel bad. Says bad as if she’s Michael Jackson.