A Conversation with Mum About Delinquency. She’s Bad.

Me:        If you see any African Violets at the garden centre will you grab me one?

Mom:     Okay.

Later the same day.

Mom:     I bought you this.  Holds out a leaf from an African Violet.

Me:        Oh great you found one.  Did it break?

Mom:     Yes.

Me:        Where’s the rest of it?

Mom:     That’s it.

Me:        What?

Mom:     That’s it.  I think it has purple flowers with a bit of white, or maybe white, I was a bit quick.

Me:        Where is the rest of it?

Mom:     Back at the garden centre.

Me:        You bought me one leaf?

Mom:     You can grow these from a cutting.  You used to do that.  You had a whole window of them.

Me:        Yes, but…

Mom:     Well it was kind of just there and so I took it.

Me:        I don’t know what you mean.  Was it fallen on the ground?

Mom:     A bit.

Me:        A bit fallen on the ground.

Mom:     They were too expensive.

Me:        I’d have given you the money.

Mom:     Yes, well, we weren’t paying that.

Me:        Go back to a bit fallen on the ground.

Mom:     It looked a little wobbly so I took it.

Me:        Wobbly, as in not on the ground, still attached to the plant?

Mom:     Stop hassling me.  You wanted an African Violet, I got you one.

Me:        One leaf.

Mom:     It’ll grow.

Me:        You nicked this off a plant.

Mom:     It’s one leaf.  No one is going to miss it.

Me:        Did the store have cameras?

Mom:     Why do you want to know that?

Me:        You broke something and stole it.

Mom:     Don’t be ridiculous, it’s a leaf.

Me:        Shoplifter.

Mom:     I should’ve left this there.

Me:        Instead of making me an accessory to your crime.

Mom:     What accessory?

Me:        Receiving stolen goods.

Mom:     It’s not like it’s a TV.

Me:        Just as well.

Mom:     Yes.  I couldn’t carry that in a tissue.

Me:        My mother the senior delinquent.

Mum:     Gets the giggles.  I don’t even feel bad.  Says bad as if she’s Michael Jackson.