A Conversation with Mum: The Conspiracy of the Taskbar
This conversation happens while I’m installing a new modem on Mum’s computer.
Mum: All those things there.
Me: On the taskbar.
Mum: Whatever. Why are there so many of them?
Me: You put them there.
Mum: I didn’t.
Me: One of the kids.
Mum: They didn’t. They never use this now.
Me: Must be magic then.
Mum: It’s Telstra. They did it.
Me: No they didn’t.
Mum: They did.
Me: You think Telstra logged in to your computer to put extra icons in your taskbar?
Mum: It is them.
Me: Wait, What? No. Why would they do that?
Mum: That’s what I want to know.
Me: Look, you’ve clicked on a bunch of things and you’ve created shortcuts on your taskbar.
Mum: I have not.
Mum: I’m telling you I haven’t. It has to be them.
Me: Big national communications company, Telstra.
Me: They thought it would be fun to sneak onto your computer – retired grandmother of two in the burbs, and add icons to your taskbar just for fun.
Mum: Well I don’t know why they did it.
Me: Clearly to mess with your head.
Mum: This is serious.
Me: It would be if it was true.
Mum: How do you know it’s not true.
Me: I’m weighing up the likelihood of Telstra, Australian’s biggest listed company, deliberately putting extra icons on your taskbar, or you, the only person who uses this computer accidentally putting extra items on your taskbar.
Mum: Why would I do it?
Me: Hmm, I’m thinking not on purpose.
Mum: No, it’s not me. It has to be them.
Me: That would. That’s not. No. No.
Mum: They could do it.
Me: Yes, they could do it if they were terribly terribly bored. Maybe.
Mum: I told you.
Me: But they wouldn’t be bothered. It just. No.
Mum: They did.
Me: Don’t you think they’d do something a little more inventive like take your Ezibuy log in and order a bunch of clothes in the wrong size, or steal your credit card details?
Mum: They couldn’t do that.
Me: It’s more likely someone steals your credit card details than comes along to mess with your taskbar.
Mum: Well someone did.
Mum: They’re the only other people who use this computer.
Me: They don’t use it. They just connect you to the internet.
Mum: That’s how they get here. I’m not silly enough to think they’d break into the house to do it.
Me: I’m very glad about that.
Mum: So, I’m going to ring them about this, because I don’t want it to happen again.
Mum: Don’t you think I should?
Me: Remember when you rang Cartridge World and asked them if they stocked ink for Kindles?
Me: You did. And you were mad at me for letting you do it. This is like that.
Mum: No, this is more like a crime.
Me: Like Murder She Wrote?
Mum: No, like CSI, all that high tech stuff.
Me: Of course.
Mum: So, I’m going to ring them.
Me: What are you going to tell them?
Mum: To stop coming on to my computer and moving things around.
Me: All right then. I really have no other argument to make and I’m slightly amused by how this will play in the Telstra call centre.
Mum: You think I should. Good.
Me: I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter what I think.
Dad: Now you know how I feel.