A Conversation with my Mum about a thing
The phone rings:
Mum: What’s that thing I’ve got?
Me: A telephone?
Mum: No that thing you know I told you.
Me: I think I need a hint.
Mum: You don’t. I told you about that thing and I’ve forgotten what it is.
Me: Um. I really need a hint.
Mum: I can’t give you a hint because I’m not on my own. Actually, yes I can, that’s the hint.
Me: The hint is that you can’t give me a hint because someone is listening
Mum: Good girl.
Me: I have no idea.
Mum: You do. You know exactly what I mean.
Me: I really, really don’t.
Mum: Look, you do, that thing, you know.
Mum: Loretta is here.
Me: Okay. Is that a clue?
Mum: No, but I was telling her about that thing and now I can’t remember what it’s called.
Me: Maybe she can guess.
Mum: Why would she do that?
Me: Why would I?
Mum: Because I already told you and you know what it is and it’s a bit embarrassing.
Me: I’m trying to eat you know.
Mum: Yes, I thought you might be.
Me: I still have no idea.
Mum: You can go back to eating when you tell me.
Me: That is the worst bribe I’ve ever heard.
Mum: That wasn’t a bribe.
Me: What was it?
Mum: A threat.
Me: So not.
Mum: Oh, please tell me.
Me: It’s not like I’m holding out here.
Mum: That thing, you know, that thing.
Me: Pretty obviously I don’t.
Mum: Well, what good are you then?
Me: Not much.
Mum: You do know and you’re just being thingy.
Me: Whatever you reckon, Mum.
Mum: I hope your dinner has gone cold.
Me: I hope Loretta doesn’t think you’re awful.
Mum: That’s it. I knew you knew.
Mum: That thing I have is awful. You know.
Me: Do you think maybe the sink hole in the backyard could swallow me now? I don’t know.
Mum: Well that’s probably a good thing now that I think about it. I’ll let you go.
Me: You know I’m going to spend half the night wondering what the hell you’re on about.
Mum: And you said I couldn’t threaten.