Christmas Magic. Not
A conversation with my ten year old nephew about Christmas morning
Nephew: Breakfast at our house. 6am should be early enough.
Me: Early enough for what?
Nephew: For you to come and give me presents.
Me: But you know what you’re getting.
Nephew: No I don’t.
Me: So that time you got me to take you to Skater Central and we bought the new grips and the t-shirt you wanted for Christmas – what was that, like an accident?
Nephew: Oh yeah. So maybe 5.30am to be on the safe side.
Me: The safe side of what?
Nephew: Of you being late. You’re always late.
Me: Name one time I’ve been late.
Nephew: I don’t know that’s just what Dad says.
Nephew: You better not be late.
Me: Do you know what time I have to wake up to get to your house at 6am?
Nephew: Do I look like I care? It’s Christmas. It’s what you do. So don’t be late.
Me: Late to give you something you picked out for yourself.
Me: How can there possible be a time on Christmas morning that’s too late for that.
Nephew: The time to give me presents is any time.
Me: You’re related to me aren’t you?
Me: So, no presents then.
Nephew: I was only joking. (Under his breath) No, I wasn’t.
Me: I heard that.
Nephew: You were supposed to. Okay come at 6, but don’t be late.
Me: How about I give you the present now and I can come at a more respectable time. It’s not like you’re five and you believe in Santa.
Nephew: Don’t say that.
Me: Why, it’s true.
Nephew: But it’s the magic of Christmas.
Me: Something you know isn’t true is the magic of Christmas.
Nephew: No, getting presents is.
Me: Even when you picked them yourself.
Nephew: Forget that, it’s not important. What else did you get me?
Me: What do you mean else?
Nephew: You did get me something else. (Way less confidently) Didn’t you?
Me: I got you exactly what you asked for.
Nephew: Good. (A thoughtful pause) What did I ask for again?
Nephew: You couldn’t just say money could you?
Me: No, I wanted to annoy you.
Nephew: Well, you’re good at it. 6am on the absolute minute it goes there on the clock.
Me: And what will we do at five minutes past?
Nephew: Open presents
Me: That will be exciting. Not.
Nephew: This is what happens to you when you don’t believe in Santa. You don’t have any Christmas magic
Me: You don’t have any either, and you’re a kid, and you know exactly what I’m getting you.
Nephew: I don’t know how much.
Me: And I’m not telling you
Nephew: How is that fair?
Me: It’s Christmas magic.