A Conversation with Mum about Time Travel

Mum:     We need to go to breakfast early this Sunday.

Me:        Okay, what time?

Mum:     Well, the same time.

Me:        Not early then.

Mum:     No early, we need to be early.

Me:        So, not the usual time?

Mum:     Yes, the usual time.  But early.

Me:        What?

Mum:     The usual time but early.  How is that not clear?

Me:        Maybe it’s something in the air.

Mum:     Don’t be late.

Me:        Is that what you mean?

Mum:     Yes.  You’re always late.

Me:        I’ve been late exactly twice in all this time we’ve been having breakfast on Sunday.  Once because I felt bad and I was slow moving and the second time because someone parked me in – and I was only five minutes late that time.  So when you say be early, you just mean be on time.

Mum:     No, I mean be early.

Me:        When are you getting there?

Mum:     The same time.

Me:        So, not early?

Mum:     No.  But you need to be early.

Me:        Why do I need to be early, by myself?

Mum:     Because you’re always late.

Me:        I am not always late.

Mum:     You’re always later than me.

Me:        That doesn’t make me late.

Mum:     What would you call it then?

Me:        On time.

Mum:     Later than me is late.

Me:        Clearly.

Mum:     Okay, you can be on time if you can manage that.

Me:        Gee, thanks.

Mum:     But you’d better get there before me.

Me:        Or what?

Mum:     You’ll be late.