Ainslie Paton romance author

My Mother and David Baldacci: A Tale of Parental Helpdesk Woe

We recently had to declare Mum’s ten year old PC dead.  This small scale family tragedy is still playing out.  And began an odyssey through space, time (mine mostly) and several retailers.

The first solution was to try her with a tablet.  She was keen, “So light.”  And then things got  tricky.

Mum:  Everything falls off this tablet.

Me :     What do you mean?

Mum:  Here one minute, gone the next.  Also, your father might have sat on it.  Do you think he broke it?  He broke it didn’t he?  It doesn’t look broken  but  he must’ve given it a heart attack inside.  Also I can’t excel, or do all the things I want.

And this:

Mum:  Why didn’t you get me an Apple tablet?

Me:      Much more expensive and we didn’t know if you’d like using it.

Mum:  I don’t like using it.  I should’ve gotten an Apple.

Me:      They’re functionally similar.

Mum:  What does that mean?

Me:      Both are tablets with a screen you press with your finger.

Mum:   Well, who thought that was a good idea?

Me:       Steve Jobs.

Mum:  Well he’s dead.


Mum:  I turned the sync thing off.

Me:      Don’t turn things off.

Mum:   Well, I did.

Which was followed by this:

Mum:  Why is David Baldacci only half of himself?

Me:      Who?

Mum:  Oh, you don’t read him, he’s good.

Me:      But not feeling well?

Mum:  He’s 100 percent on my kindle but only 35 percent on my Kindle.

Me:      What?

Mum:   I think my tablet is broken.  It’s definitely broken.

Me:      Where is David 100 percent?

Mum:   On my Kindle?

Me:       Your Kindle Kindle?

Mum:    He’s only 35 percent on the Kindle?

Me:       You mean the tablet Kindle?

Mum:    Oh yes, that one.

Me:        You need to turn your sync back on.

Mum:   That stupid thing.

And then this:

Mum:   Why do I need this sync thing?

Me:       Remember David.

Mum:   David who?

Me:      David Baldacci.

Mum:  What about him?

Me:      He was only 35 percent on  your tablet Kindle and 100 percent on your Kindle Kindle.

Mum:  He’s still only 35 percent and I even read the last part again so he’d catch up.

Me:      Where did you read it?

Mum:   In the book of course.  Where else am I going to read it? 

Me:     On the tablet Kindle or the Kindle Kindle?

Mum:   I don’t read on the tablet Kindle because it’s not up to date.

Me:      You know the sync thing you keep turning off.  This is why you need it on.

Mum:  I think the tablet is broken.

So,  unbroken but definitely  un-working the tablet was retired and we bought a new (heavily discounted, on sale Win 10 pc).

This was the first email I received. Punctuation, grammar and spacing all her own

just  turned on, no problem   you are  the first  Thank you for all the time you have spent    hope this goes    Love xxx

Which was followed  ten minutes later by:

Just looking for my email address     thought I would install    can,t find at the moment       have not tried exel    do not have teams until paper comes in  all in good time

And me panicking about the use of the word install.  She mean’t try out.  She laughed when I said, she was on her email.

Hello, what are you thinking?

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