And almost exact transcript of a phone call with my Mum
Mum: I’ve got a big problem.
Mum: My Kindle has done something?
Me: What’s it done? Like made a cup of tea? That would be good.
Mum: (Laughing). No all the dots have gone to only about two?
Mum: You know the dots?
Me: Yeah. (She means the dot that indicate a story length)
Mum: Well they’ve all gone. And some of them went right underneath people’s names. They were really big books and they’ve all gone.
Me: So, um?
Mum: Should I turn it on?
Me: You mean it’s not on. How can you tell about the dots?
Mum: Well, I saw them.
Me: But it’s not on?
Mum: Well, it is on.
Me: You just said it wasn’t on.
Mum: Well, I didn’t mean that.
Me: Well, what did you mean? It’s either on or off.
Mum: Well, there are only two bars?
Me: Oh you mean the wireless?
Mum: No, I mean the bars. It must need charging.
Me: The battery symbol is that symbol that looks like a battery.
Mum: Oh is it? Oh well, that’s ok then.
Me: So, what’s the problem again?
Mum: All the dots have gone. When you open a book you just get the cover and then no dots.
Me: No dots.
Mum: That’s why I called you.
Me: I don’t know why more people on IT help desks don’t go round the twist.
Mum: They’re probably not rude to their mothers.
Me: I bet they are.
Mum: Can you fix the dots or not?
Me: Turn it off.
Mum: What do I turn off?
Me: The Kindle.
Mum: How do I do that again?
Me: The slidy button – hold that.
Mum: Ok I’ve done that.
Me: So it’s off?
Mum: It’s like when I go shopping.
Mum: It looks like when you go to the shop to buy a book.
Me: So it’s not off?
Mum: Yes, I think so. There are no bars and only a thing that says 3G.
Me: It’s not off.
Mum: You told me to turn it off.
Me: Yes I did.
Mum: (Laughing) Don’t be like that.
Me: This is the easy bit.
Mum: So, what do I do again?
Me: Turn it off. Right off.
Mum: What, all of it?
Mum: Ok, it’s off. It’s totally blank now. Do you think the wireless is off?
Me: God I hope so.
Mum: (Laughing) What do I do now?
Me: Go and have dinner.
Mum: Is that some magic thing?
Me: No, it’s dinner time.
Mum: (Laughing) Don’t be smart.
Me: Then come back and turn it on.
Mum: So, I’ll charge it.
Me: If you like. If it needs it.
Mum: Well, I only charged it yesterday.
Me: So, it should be fine.
Mum: But there’s only two bars.
Me: That’s the wireless not the battery.
Me: You don’t get this at all do you?
Mum: Yes I do.
Me: So, what are you going to do?
Mum: Charge it.
Me: No – that’s not going to fix it.
Mum: There’s this thing that says the service isn’t available.
Me: Where are you reading that?
Mum: On it.
Me: So, it’s not off?
Mum: No. I turned it on.
Me: All around the world IT help desk people are laughing their faces off at me.
Mum: Don’t be like that with your mother.
Me: Tell me what else you can see?
Mum: Nothing – a totally blank screen.
Me: A totally blank screen – nothing on it?
Me: Did you turn it off again?
Mum: Yes. You said to.
Me: I was doing something else you know.
Mum: What do I do now?
Me: How about what I ask you to do and nothing else?
Mum: Ok. So, what’s that again?
Me: Turn it completely off.
Mum: I’ve done that.
Me: You have not.
Mum (Laughing) Ok, I’ve done it now.
Me: Go eat and come back in half an hour.
Mum: So, I’ll charge it then.
Mum: Ok, I won’t charge it.
Me: Come back and turn it on again.
Mum: What’s that going to do?
Me: Everywhere, call centre people crying with laughter. Then turn the wireless on.
Mum: How do I do that?
Me: How do you buy books?
Mum: I go to the shop.
Me: On the Kindle.
Me: So do that then.
Mum: Go to the shop? You know I’m good at this. I had to show Willie. She could only do it on the computer.
Me: Heaven help Willie.
Mum: Don’t be like that.
Me: So, tell me what you’re going to do?
Mum: I just want the dots back.
Me: So do I.
Mum: (Laughing) So, I come back and what do I do?
Me: Turn it back on.
Mum: What everything?
Me: Everything you can think of. Then leave it all turned on – the wireless – for about an hour, ok
Mum: How do I know if I’ve done that?
Me: The 3G and the bars.
Mum: No, that’s the battery.
Me: No, its not. The battery is the battery.
Mum: (Laughing). Right. What do I do then? Charge it?
Mum: You don’t think I should charge it to get more bars back?
Me: Have you listened to anything I said?
Mum: You don’t think I should charge it.
Me: If the battery symbol is full you don’t need to.
Mum: I can’t tell because it’s off.
Me: Well, what do you know?
Mum: What am I supposed to do then?
Me: Oh God, where are we up to?
Mum: It’s off. I can charge it overnight
Me: You can. Leave it for a bit. Come back and turn it on. The Kindle and the wireless which is the 3G and the bars, like when you go shopping.
Mum: Then what?
Me: Leave it all turned on for a while. I think it needs to update itself.
Mum: Will that fix it?
Me: I hope so, because it wouldn’t be fair for you to torture someone at Amazon about this.
Me: Oh what?
Mum: The dots are back.
Me: Did you do anything I asked you to do?
Mum: Not really.
Me: Well, this has been good then.
Mum: I’ll go now. You can go back to whatever you were doing.