Ainslie Paton romance author

Mum Coughs It Up

An actual conversation with my Mum about bronchitis

Phone rings.  I answer.

Me:        (Burst of coughing).  Sorry, Ainslie speaking.

Mum:    You’re still sick.

Me:        I’m not sick.  I just have a cough

Mum:    Still.

Me:        (Stifles throat clear) Yes.

Mum:    Well, what are you doing about it?

Me:        Trying not to breathe too hard.

Mum:    What?

Me:        Breathing and arguing and being annoyed makes it worse.  (Cough for emphasis)

Mum:    Of course you haven’t been to the doctor.

Me:        It’s bronchitis.  There’s nothing you can do other than what I am doing.

Mum:    Which is nothing.

Me:        You saw the cough medicine, the puffer, the magnesium and the Nurofen on the kitchen bench.

Mum:    Yes, that’s probably where they stay.  You’re probably not taking them.

Me:        (Burst of annoyed coughing) True, I bought them for show.

Mum:    I wouldn’t put it past you.

Me:        (Unchecked coughing).

Mum:    That sounds really bad.

Me:        It was absolutely ok till you called.

Mum:    So this is my fault?

Me:        Yes.  It’s your fault I have bronchitis.

Mum:    I wish you’d do something.

Me:        Like what?

Mum:    Get it fixed.

Me:        I’m doing my best here.

Mum:    No, you’re not.  That’s why I called.

Me:        To annoy me.

Mum:    Yes.  If I annoy you enough you might do something.

Me:        (Throat clear) Like?

Mum:    Stop coughing.

Me:        Yes, that’ll work. (Throat clear).  How about you call me same time tomorrow and check on my progress?

Mum:    Don’t be smart.

Me:        Well, what on earth do you want me to do?

Mum:    Stop coughing.  (Sneezes).

Me:        Did you just sneeze?

Mum:    Oh.  Yes I did. (Sneezes again).

Me:        Have you been to the doctor?

Mum:    It’s just a sneeze.  Why would I go to the doctor?

Me:        You’ve probably got sneezing medicine in the cupboard and you won’t take it.  It’ll just be there for show.

Mum:    (Laughing).  You’re a pain in the neck you know.  That’s probably why you’re coughing.

Me:        And everything is right again with the world.  (Coughing).

6 Responses to “Mum Coughs It Up

    • Ainslie
      4 years ago

      She keeps on giving!

    • Ainslie
      4 years ago

      That has to be you on DA’s comments page about my mum!!! Made me choke on coffee!

      • Yup! I want to spread the good news!! LOL!

        And still want a book – someday.

        • Ainslie
          4 years ago

          So cute! My beta team repeatedly beat me up about not having an old school book. I’ve looked at print on demand, does not seem worth it. Escape will take a novel to print but you have to have really strong sales – which damn it – I don’t! I might have to get rich off writing the equivalent to Shit My Dad Says about my Mum! Thank you!

          • Well I do try to spread the word as do others.

            Printing is stupid (can you tell I’m a tree hugger, sort of?) Not to say I don’t have about a gajillion paperbacks also. Mainly I love the ability to read on many different devices. I take my books everywhere so it’s awesome!

            Love your working title. ;o)

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