Ainslie Paton romance author

Mum Coughs It Up

An actual conversation with my Mum about bronchitis

Phone rings.  I answer.

Me:        (Burst of coughing).  Sorry, Ainslie speaking.

Mum:    You’re still sick.

Me:        I’m not sick.  I just have a cough

Mum:    Still.

Me:        (Stifles throat clear) Yes.

Mum:    Well, what are you doing about it?

Me:        Trying not to breathe too hard.

Mum:    What?

Me:        Breathing and arguing and being annoyed makes it worse.  (Cough for emphasis)

Mum:    Of course you haven’t been to the doctor.

Me:        It’s bronchitis.  There’s nothing you can do other than what I am doing.

Mum:    Which is nothing.

Me:        You saw the cough medicine, the puffer, the magnesium and the Nurofen on the kitchen bench.

Mum:    Yes, that’s probably where they stay.  You’re probably not taking them.

Me:        (Burst of annoyed coughing) True, I bought them for show.

Mum:    I wouldn’t put it past you.

Me:        (Unchecked coughing).

Mum:    That sounds really bad.

Me:        It was absolutely ok till you called.

Mum:    So this is my fault?

Me:        Yes.  It’s your fault I have bronchitis.

Mum:    I wish you’d do something.

Me:        Like what?

Mum:    Get it fixed.

Me:        I’m doing my best here.

Mum:    No, you’re not.  That’s why I called.

Me:        To annoy me.

Mum:    Yes.  If I annoy you enough you might do something.

Me:        (Throat clear) Like?

Mum:    Stop coughing.

Me:        Yes, that’ll work. (Throat clear).  How about you call me same time tomorrow and check on my progress?

Mum:    Don’t be smart.

Me:        Well, what on earth do you want me to do?

Mum:    Stop coughing.  (Sneezes).

Me:        Did you just sneeze?

Mum:    Oh.  Yes I did. (Sneezes again).

Me:        Have you been to the doctor?

Mum:    It’s just a sneeze.  Why would I go to the doctor?

Me:        You’ve probably got sneezing medicine in the cupboard and you won’t take it.  It’ll just be there for show.

Mum:    (Laughing).  You’re a pain in the neck you know.  That’s probably why you’re coughing.

Me:        And everything is right again with the world.  (Coughing).

6 Responses to “Mum Coughs It Up

    • She keeps on giving!

    • That has to be you on DA’s comments page about my mum!!! Made me choke on coffee!

      • Yup! I want to spread the good news!! LOL!

        And still want a book – someday.

        • So cute! My beta team repeatedly beat me up about not having an old school book. I’ve looked at print on demand, does not seem worth it. Escape will take a novel to print but you have to have really strong sales – which damn it – I don’t! I might have to get rich off writing the equivalent to Shit My Dad Says about my Mum! Thank you!

          • Well I do try to spread the word as do others.

            Printing is stupid (can you tell I’m a tree hugger, sort of?) Not to say I don’t have about a gajillion paperbacks also. Mainly I love the ability to read on many different devices. I take my books everywhere so it’s awesome!

            Love your working title. ;o)

Hello, what are you thinking?

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