A Conversation with my Mum about a thing

The phone rings:

Mum:    What’s that thing I’ve got?

Me:        A telephone?

Mum:    No that thing you know I told you.

Me:        I think I need a hint.

Mum:    You don’t.  I told you about that thing and I’ve forgotten what it is.

Me:        Um.  I really need a hint.

Mum:    I can’t give you a hint because I’m not on my own.  Actually, yes I can, that’s the hint.

Me:        The hint is that you can’t give me a hint because someone is listening

Mum:    Good girl.

Me:        I have no idea.

Mum:    You do.  You know exactly what I mean.

Me:        I really, really don’t.

Mum:    Look, you do, that thing, you know.

Me:        Mum.

Mum:    Loretta is here.

Me:        Okay.  Is that a clue?

Mum:    No, but I was telling her about that thing and now I can’t remember what it’s called.

Me:        Maybe she can guess.

Mum:    Why would she do that?

Me:        Why would I?

Mum:    Because I already told you and you know what it is and it’s a bit embarrassing.

Me:        I’m trying to eat you know.

Mum:    Yes, I thought you might be.

Me:        I still have no idea.

Mum:    You can go back to eating when you tell me.

Me:        That is the worst bribe I’ve ever heard.

Mum:    That wasn’t a bribe.

Me:        What was it?

Mum:    A threat.

Me:        So not.

Mum:    Oh, please tell me.

Me:        It’s not like I’m holding out here.

Mum:    That thing, you know, that thing.

Me:        Pretty obviously I don’t.

Mum:    Well, what good are you then?

Me:        Not much.

Mum:    You do know and you’re just being thingy.

Me:        Whatever you reckon, Mum.

Mum:    I hope your dinner has gone cold.

Me:        I hope Loretta doesn’t think you’re awful.

Mum:    That’s it.  I knew you knew.

Me:        What?

Mum:    That thing I have is awful.  You know.

Me:        Do you think maybe the sink hole in the backyard could swallow me now? I don’t know.

Mum:    Well that’s probably a good thing now that I think about it.  I’ll let you go.

Me:        You know I’m going to spend half the night wondering what the hell you’re on about.

Mum:    And you said I couldn’t threaten.