Ainslie Paton romance author

The Gig Economy Mum Style


Phone rings:

Mum:     I’ve got a job for you.

Me:        Oh yeah, what’s broken now?

Mum:     Not that.  This is a better job.

Me:        Hit me.

Mum:     Are you doing anything Friday?

Me:        That’s a trap question because if I say no, then you can pin me into whatever it is you want me to do.

Mum:     That’s right.  Are you?

Me:        Not telling.

Mum:     It’s Jan’s funeral on Friday.

Me:        Yes, that’s very sad.

Mum:     You should come.

Me:        Er, I um, no.  When I was twelve Jan cut my hair.  It’s years and years, since I saw her.

Mum:     That doesn’t matter.

Me:        It’s like you think you’re inviting me to a party.

Mum:     A dead people’s party.  They’ll be a morning tea.

Me:        Pass.

Mum:     That’s not the thing.

Me:        What’s the thing?

Mum:     I can get you a speaking gig.

Me:        Look at you all fancy using the word gig.  What kind of gig could you get me?

Mum:     Well you do gigs.

Me:        Very broadly speaking.

Mum:     That’s exactly what I’ve got for you—a speaking gig.

Me:        What? Really, where?

Mum:     At the funeral.

Me:        Hang on.  You want me to speak at the funeral of someone who cut my hair when I was twelve.

Mum:     You’d say nice things.

Me:        I hated that haircut.  I’m sure there are other far more qualified people.

Mum:     Your hair was too thick.  It needed to be thinned out. They asked me.

Me:        That’s more fitting.

Mum:     I don’t want to do it.  I want you to do it.

Me:        No.

Mum:     But you’ve done it before at funerals.

Me:        It’s not like it was my favourite thing to do.

Mum:     You have to suck it up.

Me:        I’m not speaking at Jan’s funeral.

Mum:     Yes, you’re doing it for me.

Me:        No, I’m not.

Mum:     She won’t know it’s you.

Me:        No kidding. That’s not the point.

Mum:     Don’t you want someone to speak at yours?

Me:        Not something I’ve put a lot of thought into.

Mum:     You should.

Me:        You are not guilting me into speaking at the funeral of someone who once used scissors on my hair.

Mum:     I’m trying to.

Me:        I know.

Mum:     You can be very disappointing.

Me:        When I’m not co-operating with you.

Mum:     Yes.  When I go to the trouble of getting you a gig.

Me:        Wait on, this is a hand me down gig that you don’t want.

Mum:     Beggars can’t be choosers.

Me:        We’re done here.

Mum:     I just hope when you die—

Me:        Someone I haven’t seen for a decade or more speaks at my funeral.

Mum:     At the rate you’re going no one will.

Me:        I’ll live with it.

Mum:     You won’t know about it, but other people will say she should’ve spoken at Jan’s funeral.

Me:        You are out of control.

Mum:     Don’t say I never think about getting you work.

Me:        Last time I checked eulogies didn’t pay rent money.

Mum:     You don’t know it could lead to something.

Me:        Like what, hire a eulogy?

Mum:     Eulogies are us.

Me:        My current gig is speechless.

Mum:     Have I got a gig for you.

6 Responses to “The Gig Economy Mum Style

  • Too funny…Actually, I don’t know if the trend has made it to Australia but here you can hire someone to speak at a funeral. They are professionals and they get the info on the deceased from the family and then they develop an eulogy…they do it for money so maybe there is something in what your mother is offering!!! (Suzanne)

    • Ainslie
      8 years ago

      NOBODY TELL MUM!!!!!!

      • I certainly won’t….but you might consider it as a new business opportunity!!!

        • Ainslie
          8 years ago

          I’d have to come live with you!

          • Sure…why not! It would be quite a drastic change for you though and I am not certain you would be able to tolerate our harsh winter!

          • Ainslie
            8 years ago

            I’m dead sure I wouldn’t be able to! Plus imagine how hard Mum’s tech support would be long distance in a different time zone. I mean, she’s in a different time zone as it is.

Hello, what are you thinking?

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